10 NEEDED Reminders for Dating Couples Before Marriage

1. It’s not bad to want to have sex with your significant other. It’d be another sort of worry if you didn’t. The key is to want to glorify Christ more than you want to have sex with each other.

2. The key to glorifying Christ more than you want to have sex with each other is that it is a decision to be made over and over again.

3. Persons in a dating or courting relationship are on their best behavior. So however they are now, you can expect, over time, for them to get “worse.” As familiarity grows, people let their guards down. Marriage does not fix bad behavior; it often gives it freer reign. Ladies, this means if your boyfriend is controlling, suspicious, verbally condescending or manipulative, he will get worse, not better the longer your relationship goes on. Whatever you are making excuses for or overlooking now, will get harder to ignore and more prominent the longer your relationship goes on. You can’t fix him, and marriage won’t straighten him out.

4. Nearly every Christian I know who is married to an unbeliever loves their spouse and does not necessarily regret marrying them, but has experienced deep pain and discontent in their marriage because of this unequal yoking and would now never advise a believer to marry an unbeliever.

5. Assuming you’re special and you’re different and their experiences won’t reflect yours is shortsighted, unwise, and arrogant. The people who love you and are warning/advising you against your relationship might be ignorant fools. Those sorts of people do exist. But odds are better that your parents, your pastor, your older married friends are wiser than you think.

6. Living together before marriage is a marriage killer.

7. Premarital sex de-incentivizes a young man to grow up, take responsibility, and lead his home and family.

8. Pre-marital sex wounds a young woman’s heart, perhaps imperceptibly at first but undeniably over time, as she trades in covenant benefits without covenant security. This is not the way God designed sex to fulfill us. Never give your body to a man who has not pledged to God his faithfulness to you in covenant marriage, which presupposes an accountability to a local church. In short, don’t give your heart to a man who is not accountable to anybody who provides godly discipline.

9. All of your relationships, including your romantic relationship, is meant to make Jesus look big more than it is meant to provide you personal fulfillment. When we make personal fulfillment our ultimate priority in our relationships, ironically enough, we find ourselves frustratingly unfulfilled.

10. You are loved by God with abundant grace in Christ’s atoning work, and an embrace of this love by faith in Jesus provides Holy Spiritual power and satisfaction to pursue relationships that honor God and thereby maximize your joy.


This awesome article was written by Jarred Wilson and published through The Gospel Coalition at This Link. I pray it help you think biblically about your dating relationships leading to a godly marriage.

Your fellow worker in the field,  Adam

4 thoughts on “10 NEEDED Reminders for Dating Couples Before Marriage

  1. I understand the sentiment of the article, but I feel like it is a bit degrading towards men. Most of the points are geared toward young women as if all boys are out to get them. I understand that typically we think of guys as the driving force in a decision to have sex, but it certainly isn’t always the case. Also, points 7 and 8 apply to both parties involved–especially 8. Again, we tend to think of guys as tough and the root of sexual evil, but they are hurt just as much as the girl involved in the act.

    As I said before, I think the general idea is worth hearing, so please don’t see this comment as an attack on you. I just thought I would give my two cents.

  2. I greatly appreciate your two cents! And I hear what you are saying. But I think it is a matter of perspective rather than degrading for men. These points do seem geared more for the female reader, who may be following the lead of a selfish guy. I don’t mind trying to protect the victim in such a case. While you noted correctly, that is not always the case, I do think it is the vast majority of cases that the guys take the initiative.

    I take it as a warning for the ladies to look for a quality man, and a warning for the men to be the quality man they should be. Guys can read this and negatively infer what we should not be doing.

    Along with your comment, I wish point 3 was written for both genders in mind, because it works both ways. It is not always the guy who can display warning signs visible in a dating relationship.

    On point 8, I do agree that men are equally impacted by premarital sex, but I think it is in different ways than women are. Sometime that can be “wounding”, more often I think I results in callousness to sin and feeds the selfishness inside. It distorts the biblical view of women being an image bearer of God, making them into an object for pleasure.

    Overall I think men should take away from this article the necessity to be the leaders in their relationships. This begins by taking responsibility for godliness before marriage, which will open the door to biblical leadership in marriage. And living life God’s way is always the best way to live.

    Thanks for the comment Evan, and feel free to reply.

  3. Pingback: Marriage Difficulties – Things To Watch | Boundaries in Relationships

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